I Never Sang for My Father – Family Therapy

tomcat place was a mayor of a sm any t cause in Westchester County and extremely value by the community but most did not realize that he was far, cold and egocentric with his family. He had a negative kindred with his own father and idealized his return. He host his daughter forth when she decided to marry a Jew, and alienated his son with his egocentricity, ritual story single outing and possessiveness. tom turkey has a history of being abusive toward his children, as Alice described to gene, he beat you when you were a kid. Youve hated and feared him all your crowing animateness. Even Margaret admits that she suffered command from her husband. toms behavior causes difficulty forming close relationships with his family, and his strained relationship with his son peaks after his wife dies. Neither of them know what to do without her and they start to argue again. He shows two different sides of himself to the world and his family. His history seems to nonplus impacte d the focussing he interacts with his family members. He was distant from his father and is repeating that pattern with his own wife and children. He maintains distance from them and encourages the triangulation between his him, his wife, and his son, because it happens safer for him.He is also triangulated with the television. period he struggled during his childhood, he had become very successful and well respected as an adult. During the film he stated early in life I developed a will of iron, but turkey cock utilize that same will of iron to raise and control his children, and even drove away his own daughter because he refused to accept her choice of a husband because he was Jewish. The main conflicts within the family are that every peerless fears Tom and that he pushes everyone away by ritually telling the same stories, bragging nigh his success, and showing little to no interest in his wife and children.His demanding methods and distant emotions prevent him and his gro wn children from being commensurate to love and communicate with separately other. The triangulated relationship begins to become evident when Tom and factor were in the store and Tom explained that he received Genes letters from California. Genes letters triggered Toms anxiety to the highest degree him go away, so he smatters to Gene about his mother, seek to transmit the anxiety onto his mothers health and Tom not being able to care for her in Genes absence. If you were to go out there, I mean to live, it would start your mother. God, you know youre her whole life he said. He makes no teaching about what effect it would fall in on him if Gene run awayd to California. Tom reinforces Gene as his mothers emotional lifeline because he is distant from twain Tom and Margaret and can only work with the other two members by bringing in a second person. When Gene spoke to his mother about it, she confirmed the triangulation and asked him why doesnt your father just admit that it would revolutionize him? If I had this family in therapy, I would start with creating a genogram, because I feel thats the least intrusive way to get a holistic plastic film of the family and help me understand multigenerational patterns. I would try to join the family by request questions to get everyone on board, such as Do you want to bear upon to react to him in ways that keep conflict going, or would you quite feel more(prenominal) in charge of your life? to help bod an environment conducive to movement and change, and ask the family to occasion play so that I could see and intervene with how they interact with one another.If the wife was motionlessness alive, the goal would be to bring the husband and wife into a scalelike relationship to prevent the triangulation from continuing. If the wife had already passed then the goal would be to help the remaining three in the family talk about the role of the mother and come up with rules for boundaries so that expectati ons could be clear and they would have a better understanding of themselves. At the end of the movie Gene and Toms relationship was very strained, because they didnt have the support of the mother anymore and they were leftover to deal with their relationship with each other as it was, without her help.When Gene asked Tom to move with him to California, Tom became angry, seeming to feel like No one cares about me, Im just the money making machine. He refused to go and felt abandoned that Gene had even asked. If Tom had changed his response to Genes proposal to move to California then it could have seriously impacted the future of the family because Tom and Gene didnt speak very much until he died. Tom could have asked Gene to tell him more about it, to invite a conversation, rather than to receive Genes suggestion as an attack toward his quality as a father.Or if Tom saw his sons invitation as gesture of affection and had considered moving to California, the quality of their rela tionship would have likely improved. The story I neer Sang For My Father was touching and easily-personalized. Most families have difficulties trying to work or maintain an adult relationship with ones parents. The relationship parent-child changes when the child grows into an adult and the child feels more empowered. Tom did not entertain the idea of Gene feeling more empowered as an adult, he treated him more like a child because it helped his ego.I felt angry at the father, seeing him as inconceivable, ignorant, and stubborn, but its important for me to note that its imperative that Im mindful that is my opinion based on projection from past experiences, and that some may become angry with the son for not confronting his father sooner. Keeping these biases in mind is helpful so that I remain neutral during family therapy and I look at the family from a systems perspective, not a hes right and shes defame perspective. I resonate with this story because Im an only child and I was triangulated with my parents for a while before my dad passed away.My dad wanted to be the close guy, so he would always go up to my mom to tell her to scold me for doing something, losing something, or anything. This was because my father didnt feel secure enough in himself to be able to scold me and know that we would still have a solid relationship. So in crop to make up for his impede of not being able to give me instructions, he had my mom timber in, who was willing to be the bad guy, and had her scold me for him. In the end, he call for my mom to help him communicate with me because he had depended on her for so much.This makes me speak up of how Genes mother was the bridge between Gene and his father, and when she died they were stuck with the relationship that they had. Fortunately, in my family substance triangulation, my mother and I had a more solid relationship and could talk about things. This makes me think about my future with my spouse. What baggage will I carry with me from my family life? What will I likely triangulate for? I like to say that I have good communication and I dont see a reason to triangulate, but I dont believe myself because I think that the issue doesnt have to be big in order for triangulation to manifest.After watching this movie, I felt like family therapy looks like an impossible feat. I realized how many eyes are on you all the time when youre in session with a family. I imagine that those with mixer anxiety disorders or therapists who tend to be more introverted dont curiously like group therapy or family therapy. If there is one thing that I take away from this class, its that everything happens for a reason in a family. Everything manifests for a purpose, to serve some function in the family.